This Road Alone (Dream American)

for Chamber Orchestra

“This Road Alone” for Chamber Orchestra is a testament to the resilience of the human spirit. I was quite an obsessive child searching for pleasure in gluttony and anything absolute or undeniable. I was driven to escape myself in whatever room I was in, especially my own. I only had hungry eyes, unable to embrace what was right in front of me as nothing I felt was ever valid. Knowing only to want from, and not to give for. Continuously opening myself up even when consistently met with rejection and dismissal. I cannot tell you how I feel because I do not know. I am in the dark about how I feel in the present moment as I continuously deceive myself of my feelings. Without my convictions, I have nothing. Surviving relentless bullying, suicide attempts, a school shooting, cries for help and no one to hear me, I was living on a very thin thread. My upbringing is not to blame for my outlook, tis merely a recognition of my rose bud. It is a choice to judge others. It is a choice to be negative. It is a choice to self-harm. It is a choice to not live one’s most extraordinary life today. To be fractured over and over, and left in a permanent state of fight or flight leaves one asking this question: Does life happen to you or for you? The choice is ours to make.